What I really thought...

Note to Readers:    You may or may not have read my press release about the Beechwood Restaurant.  At the very wise advice of an acquaintance, Jason Sample, I severely edited the version that went out to the public.  My thoughts and opinions on this, while valid, possibly could have done more damage than good.  People do not like having their shortcomings, their mistakes, etc., pointed out to them.  My goal was to generate an interest in the restaurant, our cuisine, and our services, not to piss anyone off. The original, while passionate, would have done that.  But, I'm still entitled to my opinion so here it is.  If someone from the restaurant happens to check out this blog (unlikely), they will know me well enough to know I wrote this because I believe in Chef Mills, what he is trying to do and....well, you know.  So, here it is.

         Not so very long ago there was a man from this area that had a dream.  It wasn’t a huge dream.  It was small really, compared to many, but it was his.  So, working towards this dream, he went to culinary school at the age of 30 years old, graduated with honors and became a chef in various establishments through the years. Gradually working his way back home to Chautauqua County, he decided to make that dream he had fostered for so many years a reality. 

          Opening a small but lucrative coffee house and café in Jamestown, Chef Timothy Mills successfully demonstrated his talents and knowledge of fine and eclectic cuisine.  Timothy’s Café become a downtown icon of sorts, offering entrées not often found anywhere else in the county. Timothy’s Café was a place to get a cheerful “Good Morning” and an absolutely fabulous cup of coffee, latte, or cappuccino; a breakfast pannini, a bagel, or an extraordinary breakfast wrap.  Guests would check out the lunch specials in advance, whether in person or on his website, knowing that there was a limited supply of this fantastic food available.  Why?  Because Chef Timothy prepared each entrée à la minute-loosely translated as “by the minute” or more to the point-by the order.

          As time went on, Chef Mills spent four years serving the general public, conducting exclusive private dinners at the café, catering on site and off until one day, opportunity knocked in the form of an establishment in Lakewood coming up for sale.  A very well-known restaurant and pub for decades and a historic landmark, it seemed the logical next step towards that dream of his. 

Taking possession of The Beechwood Country House Restaurant in February 2010, Tim and his wife Sarah, friend and employee Chelsea Newton, and various others spent many, many hours doing grubby, dirty work refurbishing, remodeling and restoring this landmark to an acceptable operating condition once again. With high hopes and confidence, Tim and Sarah Mills opened The Beechwood Country House Restaurant in May under new ownership.

 Happy ending, correct?  Not really.

          Once opened, many people visited the Beechwood at first, even without a liquor license. The Beechwood Country House Restaurant was a successful family owned and operated establishment for more than 50 years.  Many in the area had been patrons of the Beechwood for as long as they could remember. Fond memories of family lunches and dinners, Christmas parties and the like, were collectively shared by numerous individuals.  It was still the same cozy, homey place that everyone knew and remembered.  The knotty pine paneling was still there, as well as the fire crackling in the fireplace.  The “regulars” were delighted to see that the restaurant had not changed too much inside.

          Ah, the keyword-change.

          “Change” by definition is “to make or become different” according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.  Is that a bad thing?  No, it isn’t, yet most of us do not easily accept change.  It’s disconcerting, unsettling and well, frightening at times.  However, change can also be exhilarating, refreshing and pleasurable.  Woodrow Wilson said, “If you want to make enemies, try to change something”.  How true that has been found to be with the opening of this restaurant.

           It is a sad fact that many of the past Timothy’s Café customers have not often frequented the restaurant.  Perhaps it is simply because it is not as convenient for them as the establishment on Third Street.  Maybe it’s because the menu and atmosphere has changed just enough that they feel uncomfortable.  Some of the former Beechwood customers have not always come back a second time, even after enjoying a fabulous meal.  Why?

          The “old crowd” from Timothy’s Café are frequently disappointed that they can’t get certain specialty salads and sandwiches, or the multitude of flavored, freshly brewed coffees popular at the café.  In comparison, the former Beechwood group is displeased because the fare is not what they are “used” to at the Beechwood.  There is no free relish tray or the big bowl of mints on the counter. There is no longer a Gorgy salad available.  No one is pleased it seems, despite how many changes and additions that Chef Mills has made to the menu trying to accommodate everyone’s desires.

The former owners and operators of the restaurant did an excellent job for many years, so it is understandable that people want to see and eat the same types of food that the restaurant was known for.  It is understandable that many customers had their favorites from the café as well, and looked forward to continuing to enjoy them.  However, it is this author’s opinion that the local community and a number of patrons from the previous Beechwood and the former Timothy’s Café have not given Mills and the “new” restaurant very much of a chance. 

No, it is not the same old Beechwood food, nor is it the same Timothy’s cuisine.  Why in the world would anyone think that it would be the same as either?  It is a new kind of establishment with a new owner, new décor, new…everything!  How refreshing to see tradition and innovation entwined! 

One drawback for many is the lack of a liquor license.  That will come in time but not without patronage from past patrons of both establishments and the community.  The expense of running a restaurant is not one that many are familiar with. Overhead, food costs, payroll, taxes, etc., are not things one thinks about when ordering dinner in a restaurant. The process of getting a liquor license is also an expenditure that most people have no idea about.  Both are phenomenal expenses for a restaurant owner and an almost impossible enterprise without public support. 

What many don’t recognize is that absolutely everything prepared in the kitchen is prepared fresh, not pre-bought frozen entrées.  Mills uses freshly made pastas-not factory produced.  Each and every entrée is prepared à la minute-as it is ordered.  There is not a big pot of sauce simmering on the stove all evening waiting to be ladled over the pasta.  There is no warmer keeping the chicken hot, it is fried up or grilled to order.   Every item on the menu is prepared after that yellow slip goes into the kitchen from the server’s pad.

Guests are treated with respect and courtesy, the cuisine is fantastic as well as artful and creative. Chef Mills and the staff at the new Beechwood Country House Restaurant are always willing to accommodate dietary needs when possible and truly listen to their customers. 

So, former Beechwood and Timothy’s Café customers, take note!  Just because everything seems so different, how much have things really changed?  Is the lack of one or two particular items on the menu or the lack of an alcoholic beverage truly all that important when there is so much more offered as a scrumptious alternative?

Life can often get awfully dull and humdrum, and so can food.  Do yourself and your palate a favor and give the new owner and chef of The Beechwood Country House Restaurant a chance. Experience and embrace some change in your lives!  You won’t be disappointed.

Press Release-Local History and Creative Innovation Entwine

Released to the Chautauqua Star and the Post-Journal on November 8, 2010

Local History and Creative Innovation Entwine

The Beechwood Country House Restaurant-an eclectic, unique restaurant providing the area with fine cuisine and carrying on a tradition

Not so very long ago there was a man from this area that had a dream.  It wasn’t a huge dream.  It was small really, compared to many, but it was his.  So, working towards this dream, he went to culinary school at the age of 30 years old, graduated with honors and became a chef in various establishments, high-end and low through the years. Gradually working his way back home to Chautauqua County, he decided to make that dream he had fostered for so many years a reality. 

Taking possession of The Beechwood Country House Restaurant in February 2010, Tim and his wife Sarah, friend and employee Chelsea Newton, and various others spent many, many hours doing grubby, dirty work refurbishing, remodeling and restoring this landmark to an acceptable operating condition once again. With high hopes and confidence, Tim and Sarah Mills opened The Beechwood Country House Restaurant in May under new ownership.

The fireplace crackles for all to enjoy!

Absolutely everything made in the kitchen at The Beechwood is prepared fresh, and are not pre-bought frozen, jarred or canned entrées.  Mills uses his own freshly made pastas-not factory produced.  Each and every entrée is prepared à la minute-as it is ordered.  There is not a big pot of sauce simmering on the stove all evening waiting to be ladled over the pasta.  There is no warmer keeping the chicken hot, it is fried up or grilled to order.   Every item on the menu is prepared after that yellow slip goes into the kitchen from the server’s pad.

Guests are treated with respect and courtesy, the cuisine is fantastic as well as artful and creative, and the ambiance is marvelous. Chef Mills and the staff at the new Beechwood Country House Restaurant are always willing to accommodate dietary needs when possible and truly listen to their customers.  Mills and staff also strive to help out the local community in unique manners. 

Jeff & Beth Kresge enjoy their boobs!

In October, Chef Mills created a unique dessert to raise money for the local Cancer Services program in Chautauqua County.  The “Beechwood Boobie Bombe” brought smiles to the fine patrons that purchased them.  The price of the dessert was worth every penny to watch Chef Mills flambé it tableside with flair and finesse!

Though operating without a liquor license at present, there is no lack of beverages to choose from-smoothies, Kona Mocha Frappuccinos, Italian sodas, soft drinks, lattes, cappucinnos, espresso, a multitude of herbal and traditional teas as well as their fantastic coffee.  The process of getting a liquor license is long and expensive.  With luck, and with support from current patrons and new, Mills hopes to have the license by the new year.

The Beechwood Country House Restaurant is also available for private holiday parties and banquets.  Chef Mills, with his many years of experience, caters affairs on site or off.  A traditional sit-down Thanksgiving Dinner is also being offered by reservation only as well as home made pies for the holidays.  Call 716-526-4214 for reservations or pie orders.  Check out the lovely pies on the website as well as much more at http://thebeechwood.webs.com, or find The Beechwood Country House Restaurant on Facebook, Twitter, MerchantCircle and Ubanspoon.

Life can often get awfully dull and humdrum, and so can food.  Do yourself and your palate a favor and have a savory, unique culinary adventure at the NEW Beechwood Country House Restaurant. Experience and embrace some change in your lives!  You won’t be disappointed.

Published in "Survivor", The Post-Journal, October 30, 2010

My Story

I don’t know or remember where I heard this in reference to being a “survivor” but the gist was that you don’t know you’ve survived cancer until you die from something else.  A pretty morbid thought, isn’t it?  And sad, too.  Hearing this took away something I valued a lot-hope, and reinforced the Fear.  Fear has become my shadow and is akin to someone you don’t particularly like, but have to put up with.  Fear is there every minute of the day; greets me first thing in the morning and haunts my dreams.  Fear whispers, “It might come back, you know”. Fear is something that every single person that has had any type of cancer knows intimately.

I wasn’t afraid in the beginning, which always seemed odd to me.  I was determined to win the battle and “it” was not going to stand a chance.  Looking back, I don’t know where I found the strength to go through what I did with such hope and well, attitude.  None of it seemed to weaken me, or my resolve to survive.  I do know now, there were many, many times that I faked this good, positive attitude for someone else’s sake.  There were times of emotional confusion for me that I couldn’t even explain to myself.  The only one that truly saw the heartbreak, the sadness and the grief for what I had lost was my significant other, Kevin.  When my hair started to fall out, he cried for me.  But, bald or not, I was his and he stood by me through it all. 

I went through the chemotherapy easily, if you can say anything about chemo is ”easy”.  I never got sick from it and felt fairly normal most of the time.  Until I looked in the mirror of course.  I remember wondering, “Is this stuff even working?” because I ,like all of us, heard the horror stories about chemotherapy.  Well, it was working and in August 2008 I had a bilateral mastectomy.

I remember that day so well.  I was taken down to the surgical holding area and left there alone for about two hours.  My family had no idea where I was or what was going on.  I am glad that I had that time.  I remember I crossed my arms and held each breast in my hands.  I felt their weight, their warmth and I said good-by.  Memories of that first time my mom made me wear a bra were there…the first time they were touched …hugging my son to them…all there.  I said good-by to my breasts.

Before the reconstruction, I would often “feel” them-the weight of them.  It was a strange feeling, which I think was very similar to the phantom pain that amputees feel.  Each time it happened, I felt sad for a few minutes, remembering what was. I still feel a sense of loss.  My “new” ones are nice.  Or, rather will be when all the surgeries are done.  But, they aren’t the same.  They are cute and perky and always will be unless insurance companies are willing to pay to have reconstructed breasts “aged”.  I laugh a bit, thinking about being my grandmother’s age (95) and having nice firm tata’s. 

Cancer took much away from me-friends, my self-esteem, and at times, it took my life because “it” dominated every minute of the day if I let it.  I faltered at times, but I tried to be strong for myself.  I believed.  I believed in myself, in the power of love and mostly, I believed that I was strong enough to win.  I still believe that.

So, I truly AM a survivor! 

Sadness, but not loneliness

I've had some time lately to reflect on all that has happened in the last few years.  I know that many say it all happens for a reason, and they're probably right.  What the reason is, most of the time, we don't know.  Would we want to? 

I don't think I appreciated my mom and dad enough, until the cancer came and they were there for me 100%. I always knew they would be there, but I guess none of us realize just how much family will sacrifice for you until it happens.

If I had not gotten cancer, would I have the true friends I do now? Would my best friends include Kevin's step-children? Some of Chalan's friends became our friends as well.  The changes that happened in my life, and Kevin's too, were a direct result of our illnesses.  Believe me, I am not grateful for our health problems, nor that of my parents, but I am grateful for the friends, family and the good changes that came into our lives because of them.  Though life seems so difficult for so many of us at times, if we look for the magic, it's there.

I miss Kevin terribly, each and every moment of the day but I am not lonely.  This cabin was so much ours, that I don't think I'll ever feel completely alone here.  There's too much of him, of him and me here.  I walk outside and see the three big rocks we rolled out of the woods-him laughing at me falling on my face when it finally took off downhill.  I look at the "trinkets" I have all over the porch and remember how he'd sigh, roll his eyes a bit and say "whatever makes you happy, sweetie pie".  The fairies, candles, witchballs, dragonfly ladies, the hickory woman and such, just fit here, and always have.  Just like we did, together.

I still have all of his things around me and probably will for quite some time.  I need the comfort of his essense right now and that's okay.  It's part of the grieving process.  I won't make this cabin a shrine to him, he would get hightly pissed off if I did that!  We had plans of things to do inside and outside, and I'll do my best to do them as I can.  Even though over time, the cabin will become different, it will essentially always be the same in many ways. It will always be mine and Kevin's home that we created together.  Nothing can change that.  As Bob Dylan's song The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest says, “It’s not a house . . . it’s a home”. 

Am I doing okay?  I think so.  But, we all know our perception of our behavior and what the world sees are often two different things.  I don't get lonely, like I said, and there are a lot of things that I want to do.  I have to admit, some days, I don't "do" anything.  I don't have to. If that is considered depression, I believe I differ in opinion.  I feel that, on days like that, I am subconsciously making a plan for the future, thinking, reasoning, etc.  I am not one to be put down for long.

Some days I feel very sad and almost disoriented.  You know, the something (or someone) is missing feeling?  Today is a sad day.  I'd like to just hide away in the woods away from the world, but I know I can't, nor is it healthy to do that.  So, I will leave these enchanted woods (as I always called them) and go out into the world as we know it.  But I'll be back, and be welcomed home.

I'll be just fine, I know that.

Remembering II

My best friend, lover and biggest champion died last week. Oh, we knew it was going to happen and that was a kind of gift in many ways, as odd as that seems to sound.

We had the time to talk, to plan, to cry. I remember Kevin telling me many times “I need you to stay close to me.” I did. Never a really demonstrative person, he became one. I often wondered if he was comforting me or himself, but it didn’t matter. The hugs, the kisses…they were so bittersweet and precious. He held me so tight as I cried a few months ago, my heart breaking...knowing what was coming. 

Kevin became somewhat romantic knowing the end of our life together was coming. He made sure he told me how much he loved me, how he respected me, was proud of me…oh so many things in the last months. One of his favorite songs that he had me play over and over again was by Lionel Richie, “Stuck On You” and listening to the words many times, I think he was trying to tell me how lucky he felt to have me in his life. Can you understand how my heart rejoiced and broke at the same time? I have attached a link here. Listen and you’ll understand.

Stuck On You

Kevin and I had a relationship based on respect, love and friendship. Oh, we had our times when we fought, just like anyone else. I was usually devastated when he was mad at me and would apologize first (even when I knew I was right). I just couldn’t take it when he was disappointed in me or upset with me. He always said that disappointing the people you supposedly care about, and that care about you, is the worse thing you can do to someone. He did always admit when he was wrong (which wasn’t often damn the stubborn Swede) and admitted mistakes that he made.

I’m sure there are many people in our lives that were disappointed and are upset that Kevin wouldn’t change to suit us. I have to admit, I am one. I know I am not alone…his son, his mom, friends…all of us. We wanted him to stay alive-he wanted his own life, his one way. One thing sticks with me, however. Kevin always journeyed on the “road less traveled” for most of his life. Why did we ever think he would trudge down some well worn path at the orders of someone else? His path was predestined from the beginning. And didn’t that non-compliancy attitude, that cockiness, make him exactly who he was? Would any of us have wanted to change him, the essence of what made Kevin…Kevin? I don’t think so.

Kevin could analyze people almost immediately and just simply know their nature. I can’t remember a time that he was wrong. It took years at times, but ultimately his perception of the person was right. Don’t think that wasn’t irritating at times…

All in all, Kevin was a wonderful person. He was kind, very giving, generous and yes, tough, opinionated, tempermental, brutally honest, and a real pain in the butt at times. We loved him because of that. Earning a smile, kudos or praise from Kevin Williamson was a big feather in anyone’s hat because he expected the absolute best from all of us.

Kevin always felt he had been born in the wrong century and I believe that he did live in another time when men were men, so to speak. He had great admiration for the mountain man, the first cowboys and the renegade. Being somewhat of an outlaw himself, he understood the need to go your own way, to break your own trail and live life to it’s fullest embracing and enjoying the adventure along the way.

Did he have regrets? A few. Don’t we all? He regretted hurting Sarah. He regretted friends he lost and the life he wasn’t going to have. He regretted the things we would never do together. The things he would never be able to do with Chalan.  He regretted the words he never said to his mother, his son, my son, his stepchildren and his friends.

And leaving us…yes, he regretted that the most.

He knew years ago, unconsciously that he would not live to be an old man. He always knew that. How, I don’t know. But he did.

A friend of mine told me that we are put on this earth for a preordained amount of time with certain tasks to fulfill before our time is up. Did he fulfill those tasks?

I think so. He taught so many of us to be stronger than we thought we could ever be, to push ourselves just a bit farther and to never ever give up yourself to someone else. “Don’t lose what makes you uniquely you” he used to tell me. He taught us to look within, to find the essence of ourselves and make it brighter so that we could shine.

He died listening to his favorites: Gordon Lightfoot ,Nat King Cole, Elton John, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan and Chalan…always Chalan.. He taught Chalan to play guitar initially but always said Chalan took it to a higher level, one he himself didn’t achieve or need to. Once again, the “old man’s” wise words pushed, prodded and pissed many of us off enough to become what he always knew we could be and to be strong enough to go on without him and be who he knew we always were.

I had made him the promise that he would die in his cabin in the woods and he did. He could see the sky, hear the birds and hear the songs of his world, which wrapped around him and took him home.

I’m mighty glad I stayed.