One day at a time I guess

Well, Kevin and I finally have some help!  His doctor made arrangements for Hospice to come in and help us.  It was very sad and hard to accept this.  In fact, on Monday when the woman was supposed to come, I cancelled it because I felt sick to my stomach.  I realize now that I was simply trying to postpone having to deal with it.  I usually deal with things head on, but this time I just couldn't.  Lynn Austin was the initial contact and she was very kind and understanding of what I did and the heartbreak I felt.  She told me it was not unusual to do this.  Naturally, me being myself, I felt guilty about it but she comforted me and let me know I was not alone in my reaction. 

I think watching someone you love in pain has to be the hardest thing a person has to do.  My Dad is also going though major life changes and now has had to accept that he is going to lose his other leg.  I am very proud of my Mom and how she is handling this.  And my Dad, too.  I can't imagine coping with that but you do what you have to do to stay alive.  Life will be different, but there will still be life! 

Kevin and I have often discussed quality of life issues.  He, for one, would not be able to make the decisions that my father has had to.  I know that Kevin would choose death over amputation and that is each person's individual choice.  Myself...I'm pretty sure I would fight to live like my dad is.  Plus, he'll have a cool motorized chair to buzz around the neighborhood in!   I know that my father will make the absolute best of what he has been dealt and so will my mom. 

People have often said that I am a strong person.  Well, who do you think I got it from?  My mother and father. 

I am still having difficulties with our decision.  Hospice made arrangements for some items that will help Kevin and to be honest, I did not react well to them yesterday.  For one thing, they showed up without calling and luckily Sandy was here while I was at work.  I know they are things that we will need down the road but it pissed me off.   But, as I tell myself-this isn't about me is it?  So shut up and buck up.

Oh yes, I smack myself around on a regular basis.  I guess I figure it's better I do it than wait for someone else to.   Brilliant theory, I know.

Sorry

I am very sorry that I haven't kept up with this.  I had all good intentions for this blog.  I wanted to keep Chalan aware of what was happening in our woods and also for friends and family if they were interested.  But, life being itself....

Kevin spent some time in the hospital and at Heritage for PT.  He seemed to be getting better, so after 20 days (the magic number when Medicare won't pay 100%) he was released.  It has been a battle day to day ever since.

I started a new job recently and my boss Tim is very understanding and supportive of our situation.  His wife, Sarah, is a nurse so she also understands and empathizes. 

It's very hard and very sad.  Some days I am just a hollow shell and wonder how long I can keep trying.  Good thing I'm stubborn I guess!

I try to tell myself tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities.  Not every day is sad, and there are good days when the hope is still alive and vibrant.  I cherish those days and if willing it can make it happen, there will be many more!

Keep in touch and so will I.

Terry

I am back!

I haven't had the time or to be more truthful, made the time to post on the blog.

Life hasn't been very pleasurable lately.  I did manage to finish the Italian class I started in September and actually got an A.  Weird, I know.  It was a very difficult class because Italian is very much like Latin with all those verbs to conjugate!  I did it though and fulfilled the language requirement for my Bachelor's.  I did ask for an extension on the Art Therapy class simply because with all that has gone on I knew I would not be able to finish it. 

Kevin was in the hospital and my dad has been very ill.   My dad had to have his leg amputated due to poor circulation.  It's been really hard on him and my Mom.  My family has pulled together through all of this so I know we'll all end up fine!

I'm okay-going through the breast reconstruction which naturally, did not go as planned.  The things we do for vanity! 

Have to go but wanted to post something for the few friends I have.  Take care.

Input

Hello my friends!

I'm going to start posting a bit more so please help me out by giving me some input on what I put on here. Good or bad, I'd like to know. Postings will be drawings, paintings, short stories, etc.

I have some things in the works so your opinions and thoughts will be invaluable to me!

Lightning Strikes

I certainly hope that the adage lightning never strikes in the same place twice is right! On Saturday, thunder was rumbling in the distance slowly getting a bit louder, but nothing major seemed to be brewing.

Wrong.

I was outside on the porch and had just picked up one of Sam's toys and walked over to put it in his basket when a bolt of lightning hit about 30 to 50 feet away from the cabin. It seemed as if it was about 5 feet from the cabin! There was no zzssstt noise before, just totally white light and the loudest CRACK! I have ever heard all around me and at the exact same time. The world was white and deafening. Then I felt this very strange...thing, power...I don't know what to call it, pulse against my body. It didn't last long but it was a physical pushing feeling from something I could not see. It made my heart race and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Kevin says it was something like shock waves fom the power of the lightning. Whatever it was, I hope I never feel it again. That's about the closest you can be to being struck by lightning I think. It was a horrible, scary feeling.

Naturally, there was damage in the cabin from it: 2 TV's, my computer monitor is now yellow, printer, DVD/VCR & a ceiling fan/light. I thought it killed my humming birds too but they're okay. Just must have been hiding for awhile.

I may have brain damage, not sure yet. :-)